I’m finding it difficult to write these days. My day job is in jeopardy. I’m looking for a new one. My immediate future is not secure so it’s hard for me to make a plan to get published. It’s hard to focus on my writing career when I’m worried about bills. It’s hard to talk to bookstores about selling my novel on consignment when I can’t afford to order any. If I’m not sure how next month’s rent will be paid, how can I sit still at my desk and write? But I feel that I must or else I will lose my mind.
Right now, all I have are my relationships and my dreams. Is it enough? It was when I was in college, when checks bounced regularly and I lived on ramen noodles. I guess I’ve gotten spoiled over the past few years. We haven’t had much, but we’ve had enough of an income to go home for holidays, watch movies at the theater, sample the local restaurants once in awhile, and buy nice birthday presents for friends and family. This year, we’re cutting back on all entertainment and we’re being creative with presents.
Growing up, I always thought that money wasn’t important. I wish that were still true. But I’m starting to wonder if Virginia Woolf was right after all. “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” I’m hoping she wasn’t.
3 comments:
I totally understand. For a while there, we were subsisting totally on rice and canned veggies every night. Neither one of us felt like producing work when all you want is a little bit of escape from the bills, rent, bank accounts. Yet, we ALWAYS thought about writing (or performing as the case may be).
Somehow Bukowski found a way to write even when broke. But, he was a miserable bastard. I guess it's all a matter of balance. And just know that eventually this will pass. Hang in there in the meantime!
Regardless of how much we have or don't have, whether life is good or awful, there are always reasons not to write. And maybe the reasons TO write are more now than if you were living comfortably, without anything to worry about. Look at your life: all of the frustration, worry, angst, all of it can be mined for great stories about the struggles in life, or great stories about people who don't struggle with the things you're struggling with but have terrible lives anyway, or about how all you need are your relationships. It's all gold when you look at it as fodder.
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